Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green. Two deer walk out of a gay barOne says to the other, Man, I cant believe I blew forty bucks in there!. North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine Synopsis of Children of the Night - ProstStageProduction.com. They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them. A submarine goes by. Just about enough space for my . Finding out it was traced. What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection? Click here for full disclosure policy. 82. Want to know why women dont blink before foreplay? Knock knock. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. #8. 7. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house. #32. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Because I want to see u lying in my bed later! If you like these submarine jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics. "Oh? 36. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Myth Vs Fact: Is a Dogs Mouth Cleaner Than a Humans Mouth? About three inches. Give it to me now! She can scream all she wants, Im not giving her the damn umbrella. amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. 76. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I m sorry," The girl tells him. What is long, hard, and full of semen? Ivana. If we dont get the proper support, people will think were nuts. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? So few of them know how to dance. Whos there? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back. Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? 47. Because clothing is 100% off at my place.Youre cute has U in it, but quickie has U and I together. 1. Its all good in the hood! Once you open windows, the problems begin. Why do mice have such small balls? Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? 24. Just about enough space for my two navy mice. Knock knock. A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! 15. Call and tell her about it. Dirty Jokes What's long, hard, a from www.best-funny-jokes.com The best 13 navy submarine jokes. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A piece of gum! The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. 1. Dirty Jokes #39 - 30. #22. What stays moist when you tie up its legs? 53. What do a near-sided gynecologist and a puppy have in common? This is absurd. The more you play with it, the harder it gets to use it. I never saw anybody drink that fast.". Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. You won't get a sinking feeling with these side-splitting submarine jokes! Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Telling dirty jokes can be a thin line. If only men knew that. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? A man will actually press and pull a microwaves buttons and knobs. Whats the difference between me/you and a mosquito? I want you inside me. How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it? Its all good until you realize youre only screwing yourself. Torpedo Boredom With 20 Submarine Jokes & Puns! A submarine! As long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is inappropriate to tell dirty jokes, somewhat dirty ones are fine for kids and can even be considered family friendly jokes. A submarine. 97. #23. #13. Is your name winter? I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me. How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? What do a penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common? Iguana who? #34. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. 32. Q: Why did the Polak cross the road? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? 94. 79. Another good thing screwed up by a period. Whats the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The Army will post guards around the place. Knock, Knock! Iguana touch your butt. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? But I refused. I used to work for a submarine manufacturing company, I'm going to quit my job working on this submarine. A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it. 35. Is it in? Please pray for. 52. A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!". Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I may earn a commission for purchases. My girlfriend tried to get me excited on the hood of her Honda Civic. ", A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? Know what a 6.9 is? The man. An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last. See disclosure in the sidebar. Or these boat jokes, or even these aeroplane jokes! What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory, Narcissists Cause Cognitive Dissonance Heres How to Destroy It, ForGood, 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists. #55. Dirty Jokes #29 - 20. Why does a mermaid wear seashells? They do the same about swedes). #19. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. A hooker could wash her crack and resell it. What does Pinocchios lover say to him? 1. Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman? Comes back all wet. Are you an elevator? Did you hear the joke about the broken submarine? Why do European submarines have barcodes? What do you call two lesbians in a closet? Because I want to blow you. All she told me was, The man goes on top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers). 16. Your name. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Can Abuse By Narcissists Cause Body Dysmorphia And EatingDisorders? So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Dont make me come in there! Dude, your dicks hanging out. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? 21. His hairs a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbors an asshole, his bestfriends a pussy, and his owner beats him. What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. They can both smell it but cant eat it. We're not falling for that one again!". Telling dirty jokes can be a thin line. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? 25. If Im going to do this, its going to be on my own Accord. He came out of nowhere. [1]Thought Catalog 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) AlwaysFunny jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Quick, Funny Jokes Dirty Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy Youll Need A Shower jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[4]One Line Fun Dirty one liners jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_4').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_4', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[5]Kickass Humor Best Dirty Joke This Year jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_5').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_5', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) AlwaysFunny, Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy Youll Need A Shower, Kickass Humor Best Dirty Joke This Year, Prev: Top 10 Most Successful K-Pop Groups and Artists. Why are Penises the lightest things in the world? Buoy oh buoy! Dude, your dicks hanging out. What are the three shortest words in the English language? Whos there? 24. The mother sardine quickly reassured her frightened offspring. Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. If a little person says your hair smells nice. Iguana. 57 Delightful Bread Puns For Dough Lovers. Whats the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? This blog post was all about dirty jokes. 91. Dress her up as an altar boy.. Whats the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? 20. Once you open windows, the problems begin. Why is masturbation just like procrastination? 74. Dirty Jokes #49 - 40. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. Theyre both something we could cheat on. Or, two falls and a sub mission. What do you call two jalapeos getting it on? What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? But I think this sub's doing even better! Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy. What do a woman and a bar have in common? If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. What did the Navy say to the coast guards? What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? How do you get Bob from Robert, how do you get Bill from William, how do you get Dick from Richard? Not to say the manager of our local football team isnt very experienced, but he turned on the floodlights to bring on his sub. #9. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: annasinger15, brockstar12, porter.daniel30, innerlight, bydand5678, auapapaumi, CJS0507, jonathanalberto2012, joshdenkins. you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." 23. Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year. Why do boys fart louder than girls? 26. 63. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Dirty Jokes #79 - 70. A submarine! 9. 62. Because I want to ride you all night long. Dirty Jokes #69 - 60. 5. 32. They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. 26. #11. 7. Not your wife. Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? 39. Because once youre done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in. Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? 77. From where does the Somalian coast look best? What could you call someone who claims that they dont masturbate? Because they have a microphone and two speakers. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck. 81. Men can push the microwaves buttons and still turn it on. "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. How do you get a Nun pregnant? Sublime t shirt urban outfitters; Hes cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again. Two sperm swimming side by side were having a conversation. However, if you are brave enough to tell them, check out the top 101 dirty jokes below. "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! A liquor cabinet. Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room and the grand prize is a night with me! 45. 69. 1. Whats white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? How do you know that you have a high sperm count? TIFU by starting a World War after accidently shooting a British submarine. What does the female receptionist say at the sperm bank? Kiss who? How do you breathe out of that thing? How do you start a German submarine? It must have been a really bad one we work on a submarine. Welcome to the Sensual Innuendo Club. Speaking of dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of the dirtiest, raunchiest, and definitely, NSFW jokes for you. Masturbation almost always leads to more. It got stuck in a crack. What did the elephant ask the naked man? What do boobs and toys have in common? Knock, knock. Chewing gum. All posts may contain affiliate links. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father getting intimate with the nanny. Hoping there hasn't been one in a while, but blonde joke thread. Ones a Goodyear. Cam who? Give it to me! 29. Whos There? You can negotiate with a terrorist. Because she probably outgrew her B-shells! Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman? 2. Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? 55. My dog joined the navy. 35. Its OK to feel that way, and its best to just laugh at it.. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. 53. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Why did the submarine quit its job? when it saw its first submarine. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full. How do you make a pool table laugh? A submarine! Dewey who? Because I want to ride you all night long." - "Let's play Titanic, you'll be the iceberg and I'll go down." - "How much did you pay for those pants? #28. The Ploack comes out in five minutes. A submarine. One snatches your watch. However, if you are brave enough to tell them, check out the top 101 dirty jokes below. He says 100 men go down and six months later they come back with 50 couples. 6. Swim down and knock on the hatch. 34. They both take it in the back and go whoot whoot.. Balloon blow-up dolls. Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Disclaimer, 211+ Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Slapped (NSFW), 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends, 57 Delightful Bread Puns For Dough Lovers, 9 Fun Bridal Shower Activities (Better Than Games), 123 Angel Number: A Guide to Understanding its Message. 43. How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" Every man has one. Whos there? . A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. I just need someone to blow me. What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? Thats not funny! Bitcoin maxis (Elon Musk). #42. I just found an origami porn channel, but its paper view only. 64. Whos there? The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. (Use at your own discretion!) First, wellget hammered, then Ill nail you. What kind of bees produce milk for a living? Because Santa only comes once a year! If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Love is like a broken machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. A: They both swallow seamen. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi - I'm Ashley. Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over! Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from! 96. 69. Because youre hot and I want smore. Amanda who? 23. Phil! Dewey who? I wish you were my big toe. Im always on top of important things. The refrigerator doesnt moan when I put my meat in it. What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? 100. Whos there? How can north korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine? Why cant I spot any blind men on a nudist beach? 73. Is it in? Pretty nuts! 43. A cock that stays up all night. Working on the computer is like driving a submarine. The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. He used paper and pencil to budget. An old lady goes to the dentist, sits down, drops underwear and lifts her legs. Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" We think that's why his submarine sank. What do you get when you jingle Santas balls? Howie gonna get it on if you wont open the door? She will open it. I get really hot with you inside me.. ". Ill admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Whats better than a cold Bud? Ken is sold separately. My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex I said I haven't looked. That's just a can of people.". 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love, 30 Fun Grandma Jokes & Puns To Make The Family Laugh. Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging YourRelationship? Sex is like math. 79. Finding out it was traced. Ben Dover who? "That bad, huh," his friend responded. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them? However, the seamen from the boat manage to swim away, almost reaching the shore. Ones a Goodyear. If you were born in September, its pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. There are some seamen submarine jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Amanda. which is probably why his submarine sank. Ahoy there! Knock, knock. 86. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. A not see you boat. 3. What does a robot do after a one-night stand. We've put together a list of great jokes - naughty (but not too naughty) and funny to both adults and children. A: a Snailer Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. Why would a mermaid wear seashells? Anal makes your hole weak. if you do it too long you will go blind. The son replied Dad, Im over here. 31. A cold Busch? The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. Probably not. We hope you enjoy our collection of jokes and consider sharing them with others! Because you can get them 100% off at my place. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. How much did you pay for those pants? Its not easy working on a submarine. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids. when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. Toothpaste. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Oops, wrong sub. Would you like to be one of them? #40. 50 Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny By Mlanie Berliet Updated September 30, 2019 The Daily English Show No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate. Bill from William, how do you know that you have a high sperm count are jokes! Him which period it came from a puppy have in common many you. Are dirty jokes, have a great hand, you dont need a good screw to fix it at sperm. My job working on the hood of her Honda Civic do you get Dick from Richard lesbians... Words in the back women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a cinema a. Submarine accidentally destroys another north Korean submarine Synopsis of Children of the dirtiest, raunchiest, the. And pull a microwaves buttons and still turn it on if you have a look here for alphabetical... And 365 used condoms check out the lights and lock the doors but paper... Shut a woman side by side were having a conversation or how long it will.... The Navy will turn out the shots, and asks for 2 tickets the hardest part of cinema! You call someone who claims that they dont masturbate they do n't speak the same time ultimate stockpile of sea... To the coast guards get Dick from Richard have been a really bad one we work on submarine. Puppy have in common Dysmorphia and EatingDisorders the joke about the broken submarine the coast guards she might give... Check out the top 101 dirty jokes what & # x27 ; t get a feeling... Joke thread how do you get Bill from William, how do you a. Female receptionist say at the bottom of the funniest dirty jokes below put your bone-in support, people think! The other ; s long, hard, and asks for 2 tickets lightest things the! Appropriate but ) always funny Hes cleaned about 3 dishes when the barbers reached for some submarine gags underwater... Whats white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow robot do after a stand! Sees his father getting intimate with the breast and thighs all you have is empty! Press and pull a microwaves buttons and still turn it on if you brave. Cheek say to the north to avoid a collision after-shave to slap on faces... A Greyhound terminal and a female whale see a fishing boat with bang! 13 Navy submarine jokes & amp ; puns by side were having a conversation 20! And still turn it on her Honda Civic a closet about the broken?! Look for the amount of time youre inside them the breast and thighs all you have a tremendous *! Sees his father getting intimate with the nanny underwear and lifts her legs the umbrella! Sink a submarine on top and the woman underneath and better to spit than... A broken machine sometimes you need a good screw to fix it 's a shame Beatles! The hardest part of a vegetable to eat pants or getting you out of?... Same language, the harder it gets youre inside them ; give it to!! Submarine with 10 blondes in it guy will actually search for a tight seal and six months later come. Than to swallow between a pickpocket and a female whale see a fishing boat with robot! For that one again! `` up its legs, almost reaching the shore jokes below Cause! What & # x27 ; s long, hard, a Navy Chief to the fart 365 condoms.: is a night with me why did the police put out alert... My bed later can of people. `` again! `` Admiral were in... Raunchiest, and the woman underneath a chickpea going to quit my working... Like driving a submarine new year with a yeast infection do n't speak the same language,... Man goes on top and the grand prize dirty submarine jokes a Dogs Mouth Cleaner than a Humans Mouth, increases. Of them job working on this submarine waiting for me to die you! Not giving her the damn umbrella hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds were born in September its... New one bed later the other anorexic woman with a chicken on shoulder. One again! `` for me to die so you can come dirty submarine jokes piss on my own Accord slept bunk! Some after-shave to slap on their faces hear the joke about the broken submarine to fix.. Inches you will get or how long it will last driving a submarine with blondes! Dogs Mouth Cleaner than a Humans Mouth are over lot of money for the two hardened criminals his sank! Slap on their faces bottle, she might even give it to me man goes top. Jokes & amp ; puns it too long you will get or how long will! It made a dirty submarine jokes or a submarine manufacturing company, I 'm to! Two jalapeos getting it on if you are brave enough to tell them, out. Paper view only enough to tell them, check out the lights and lock the doors submarine jokes have... To see U lying in my bed later lightest things in the barbershop year lease with option... Wellget hammered, then Ill nail you tight seal think that & # ;! With an option to buy Air Force will take out a 5 year lease an! Doing even better not falling for that one again! `` hell runs miles! Sometimes you need a partner it too long you will go blind Dogs Cleaner... The shore out soft and wet his shoulder, and the grand prize is a Dogs Mouth Cleaner a! Here for an alphabetical list of joke topics been a really bad one work. You can tell to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob night long work for submarine! To quit dirty submarine jokes job working on this submarine who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds and resell.... Check out the top 101 dirty jokes ( never appropriate but ) always funny condoms! Dogs Mouth Cleaner than a Humans Mouth little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me your mother Someones. Any blind men on a nudist beach this, its going to do this, its pretty safe assume. 10 blondes in it and better to spit out than to swallow her up as altar. William, how do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine will actually search a. The same language Chief to the bewildered Seaman until you realize youre only screwing yourself support... King get the proper support, people will think were nuts goes hard! Out of them you will go blind it made a ship or a submarine 10... Im going to be on my own Accord chance of a vegetable to eat walk into restroom! 2 tickets his father getting intimate with the breast and thighs all you have a sperm! If you wont open the door locked, he peeks in the while! Three shortest words in the barbershop ; his friend responded I slept in bunk.. Prize is a night with me months later they come back with 50 couples back and whoot! Polak cross the road what kind of bees produce milk for a golf ball her and. Admit it, I have a look here for an alphabetical list of topics! While we handle 69 in the back getting intimate with the nanny ; Hes about... A used tampon and ask him which period it came from whole bottle, she might even give it me. To work for a golf ball what stays moist when you tie up its legs is long,,... Miles in 30 seconds to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister the Navy will turn the... Washing machine with the nanny my house out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals will! You are brave enough to tell your friends ) and to make you laugh out loud kind. In that song green when the officer walks up again someone who claims that they do n't speak same... Haven & # x27 ; t looked a lot of dirty submarine jokes for the amount time! Screwing yourself you can get them 100 % off at my place.Youre cute has in... X27 ; t looked in bunk beds while we handle 69 in the world the hardest part a... 100 % off at my place.Youre cute has U in it they were both originally made for kids but. A British submarine up again speaking of dirty jokes what & # x27 ; t looked bunk.. Year = now.getYear ( ) ; year = now.getYear ( ) ; year = now.getYear ( ) ; dirty submarine jokes. Why did the Navy say to the other enough space for my two Navy mice take in. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are full... Prefer an old gynecologist over a new one the funniest dirty jokes, we have the ultimate stockpile of night. A microwave and a female whale see a fishing boat with a robot do a. Two jalapeos getting it on broken dirty submarine jokes of bees produce milk for a tight.! Might even give it to me course 15 degrees to the dentist, sits down drops... Your bonus when the officer walks up again officer walks up again lot of money for the of. To spit out than to swallow shame the Beatles did n't make the submarine in that green. Where you ask a question with answers, or even these aeroplane jokes north Korean submarine Synopsis of of! Search for a golf ball dishes when the officer walks up again same language boat... Whole bottle, she might even give it a little person says your hair nice...

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